…and the journey begins again!

I know it has been a long time since I updated but I have been busy preparing for my second cycle! 😀 I knew almost straight away after my last egg retrieval, that I would donate again.  It was such an incredible journey the first time around, why wouldn’t I? I can only update a little about my last couple – all I know is that they have not tried again as yet but are planning to sometime this year, when the time is right for them.  I continue to wish them all the luck in the world ❤

I have had a lot of people ask me why I am donating again.  “It won’t be the same for you this time” I have been told.  Well, no, I quite agree.  My first cycle was a very emotional one, I not only wanted to donate my eggs due to my own empathy with the situation but I had a lot to prove to myself, which I did.  I was so pleasantly surprised with how well my body dealt with the cycle and how I discovered that I am a lot stronger emotionally than I ever could have thought.  So, no, it wont be the same, I have nothing else to prove to myself.

However, I am already learning more and more about myself every day.  Like how I seem to have developed an addiction, a need, a desire to help others.  It brings me peace, it makes me happy and it lifts my spirits.  I enjoy it – yes, I know it sounds weird to say that I am enjoying stabbing myself with a needle or two every night and injecting hormones but that is by the by…it is the process and the end result that makes me happy!

Ultimately, this process it not about me and how I feel about it, it is about my couples. My couples, who I will never get to meet, who will never know my true identity or know about me and my life….but I still feel like we are friends. I think about them all the time and wonder how they’re coping with the emotion of trying so desperately to have a baby.  I wish I could be more of a friend to them but I know that, at least for the next 18 years, I am doing all I can for them.  I am doing this for them, not me.

I know and am at peace with the fact that I will never be a mother.  However, I am an auntie to my two beautiful nieces and I love it.  The eldest has started coming to stay with us now and for the first time in my life, I have felt the genuine, pure love from a child and it absolutely warms my heart.  If I cannot be a mother, then I will make sure I will be the best auntie I can possibly be and shower them with as much love as I can muster!  If this is what is feels like to get love from a child, then why would I not donate again to someone who wants so desperately to be a mother, to begin their own family and to feel the love of their own child?  There really was no decision to make as to whether I would like to donate again ~ of course I would!

So, on 19th February 2015, I went for my baseline scan and blood tests….. and so it begins again… 😀

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