It has been a while since my last blog entry but you may have seen that I have been busy taking my egg donations in a different direction – media coverage. In the last two years since my first cycle, there have been articles in the Gazette, Grazia Magazine, Woman Magazine and today it is in The Mirror… I am always so pleasantly surprised that people are still so interested by my story.
I am so passionate about raising awareness, not only of fertility issues but of egg donation. It is such a taboo subject and as much as I understand why, it shouldn’t be. So many couples have trouble conceiving, they just never tell you about it. Since I have donated eggs and blogged so openly about it, I have been surprised by how many people have told me about their own fertility journeys. Some who are unable to conceive, others who have had some kind of fertility treatment or some who have used egg/sperm donors or surrogacy. Everyone knows someone who has had troubles. Please don’t ever think that infertility should be faced alone or that you have done anything to be in the situation that you are in.
Not only has this process taught me a lot about myself but I have made some wonderful friends through it too – egg donation recipients (not mine!), fellow donors and of course the ladies at Altrui. One particular lady used an egg donor, and her journey was far from smooth, but they now have a beautiful little boy. It melts my heart to see him growing up, knowing an egg donor helped create him. I love to think of children like him running around some day in the future – children that I have helped to create and helped families to grow and complete.
I am so pleased with how my campaigning has progressed, how people ask more about the IVF process and about fertility treatments knowing that I have personal experience. I am pleased that, as a couple, we are much stronger and accepting of the fact that we won’t be parents but please, don’t think that I don’t still grieve…
I think a part of me always will…grief for the child I know I will never have; grief with the knowledge that I will always hear the word “Mummy” around me but it will never be addressed towards me. I will never know how it feels to have a little, fragile life growing inside, never feel the “flicker”, as many women describe it, as their baby is starting to make it’s first movements, or hear my baby’s heartbeat and feel completely overwhelmed. I am 32 now and, if we were able, feel I am at that point in life when I would probably want children….married to a lovely man, career established, lovely home, lovely family and friends. Of course there is always going to be that little part missing…..I am sure that this is completely normal for any woman my age – my ticking maternal clock.
But, I am ok, I really am 🙂 I am an Auntie now ( a super cool one 😉 ) and my Niece’s mean the world to me. These little angels give me a tiny glimpse of how it feels to be loved unconditionally by a child and it really does feel amazing! ❤ A childs’ love is so pure! ❤
And so, since I know, all too well how the struggle with fertility feels, I will continue to raise as much awareness as I can. I am hoping to attend some Fertility Events next year and I will continue to pursue other avenues so for now, I wish you all love, luck and lots of baby dust 🙂
Watch this space….. xxx